Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
