Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
