you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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