Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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