I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
