im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
