I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
