i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
