is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
