Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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