P.S. I can't hear my feet
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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