so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
