just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
