90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
