I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Buhtt sex?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
