none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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