So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
