Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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