dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I accidentally burped into my bong.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
