As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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