All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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