I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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