I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
