WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
