there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
