Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Oh god it's open bar.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
