So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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