Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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