Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
