I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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