I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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