Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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