you guys were way drunker than both of me
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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