I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
so much tequila, so little girl.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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