Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Is it because I queefed?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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