Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
