She's JV to your varsity
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
