Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
