I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
