are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
