My nipple is on Facebook.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
my poor anus
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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