I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
