Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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