Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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