I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
