i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
