Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
