His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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