Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
