I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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