i just wanna soil my oats bro
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
