I'm jealous of your bromance
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
